dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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