I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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