Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
