gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
