Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
