you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
