I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
