What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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