shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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