dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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