we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
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You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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