During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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