i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We need to get me chipped asap
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
