Duck Duck Cougar?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
