he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize