YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
