Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
