you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
