Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
