Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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