Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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