I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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