Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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