i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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