He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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