Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
