You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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