Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
