i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
