I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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