i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
