I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
