It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
