They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Vodka?
Forever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Panties = found
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
