Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
