I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
