just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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