At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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