I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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