also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
