I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
