Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
