WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
