I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
