so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
