Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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