You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
