dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
