I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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