do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
