You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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