My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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