This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize