Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
