Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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