did you get engaged???
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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