perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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