i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
