it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
