Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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