Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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